


Loss, Lies and Consequences

by Nori_getashovel (vlh114)



Series: First Years [17]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: But it may be too late, Can the relationship be saved?, Lots of apologies, Lying to protect, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, She was a homophobe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 05:11:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4378490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlh114/pseuds/Nori_getashovel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frerin's doesn't tell the truth about why he has to go away for a while but when Fili and Kili find out then catch Frerin in a compromising position their relationship is jeopardized.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loss, Lies and Consequences

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Werecakes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werecakes/gifts).



> My idea for this story was to make each paragraph only large enough to fit inside a Tumblr ask box, meaning each had to be 80 words or less.

“But why do you have to go now?” Kili couldn’t keep the whine out of his voice. “It’s the middle of the semester,” Fili added, his voice muffled by the shirt he was trying to pull over his head. Frerin tossed another pair of socks into this suitcase, making that ten pair, “I told you, the University is giving me the time now. It’s use it or lose it.” Fili couldn’t fake a smile, “How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know,” Frerin tossed in another t-shirt, “maybe a week, maybe longer.” Kili didn’t like that, he was still in therapy and working out his stressors, “Why can’t you use the library here?” The professor stood next to the side of the bed with his hand holding onto his suitcase and bowed his head trying to be strong, “This library doesn’t have the necessary research tools.” The brunet huffed, “I thought all the chemistry books had already been written.”

“I’m writing about twenty-first century architecture not chemistry and the library here doesn’t have what I need,” Frerin closed and zipped his suitcase. “Since when have you been interested in architecture?” Kili asked as tears began to fall but he ran from the room before Frerin could respond. Frerin watched the brunet leave with a heavy heart, “It’s not like I’m never coming back. I’ll only be gone a week!” he shouted, “I promise to call every day!” 

Fili slid his arms around Frerin’s waist to hug him from behind, “It’s alright. I’ll talk to him. We’re going to miss you.” Frerin swallowed down the lump in his throat, “I’ll miss the both of you too.” There was nothing left to do or pack and Frerin wanted to get on the road before dark. “Tell him I said I love him, okay?” Frerin asked Fili to tell Kili when the brunet hadn’t appeared to say good-bye.

Fili assured the older blond, “I will and I’ll make sure he doesn’t wallow in guilt about not coming down.” The professor smiled his thanks before he kissed Fili good-bye. The younger blond followed the car down the driveway and watched until it disappeared in the distance.“Is he gone?” Kili had crept silently into the garage and was sitting on his treadmill. “Obviously. He loves you, he wanted me to tell you,” Fili sat next to his remaining lover.

Kili leaned onto his lover, “I know but I don’t understand about this architecture thing. He’s never mentioned it before. Has he?” Fili shook his head as he put his arm around the brunet, “Not to me. I thought we knew each other pretty well.” Kili agreed, “I thought so too but I guess not.” The two sat together for a while watching the empty driveway wishing to see the blue sedan pull into the garage again.

Frerin called often over the next two days but each time the calls were shorter and he sounded more distant. When asked if he was alright Frerin would only say that it was because he missed his lovers terribly. Fili, for one, didn’t buy it, “I’m going to find Thorin and see if he knows anything.” Kili, though happy to have some one-on-one time with Fili, had doubted Frerin’s story about doing research on architecture from the beginning, “I’m coming.”

Thorin wasn’t at home so Fili and Kili tried the school. Fili picked up a copy of the class schedules from the student center to check on where the history professor would be teaching at that time before he led Kili to the correct building and room. But when they got there Thorin wasn’t the professor standing in front of the class unless he had shaved his beard, dyed his hair red and put on a dress.

They waited for the students to file out before going inside. Fili approached the professor, “Excuse me but isn’t this professor Durin’s class?” The red-haired woman smiled at the two students, “Usually but there was some sort of family emergency and he had to leave for a few days.” Kili gasped, “What kind of emergency? Was it his brother?” All kinds of things went through his mind about Frerin having some kind of incurable illness and being on his deathbed.

The professor shook her head, “I don’t know the details. That’s all I was told when they asked me to cover some of his classes.” Fili thanked her for the information, took Kili by the hand and led him out of the room. Once they were in the stairwell they figured it was safe to talk, “I’m sure Frerin is fine. He would’ve told us if he was sick. Right?” Fili was thinking exactly the same things as Kili.

“How can we know that after the lie about the research?” Kili wanted to be angry but he just felt sad. Fili pulled the brunet into a hug, “Do you think we should call Thorin?” Kili had always been kind of scared of the history professor but if Fili wanted to call that was fine, “If you want to.” Fili took out his phone to call but Thorin didn’t answer. The blond nursing student got tongue tied and hung up.

“I’m sorry Kili, I panicked. I should’ve thought of what to say before I called.” Instead of putting his phone away Fili called Frerin but that call also went to voice mail, “Frerin it’s Fili and Kili. Please call one of us back. There’s something we need to ask you.” Kili sat down on a cold concrete step and looked up at the blond standing on the stair next to him, “What are we going to do?”

“Well,” Fili took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, “as I see it there are a couple of things we can do; sit around here and mope, go home and mope or go find Frerin and find out what the hell is really going on.” Kili voted for option three but before they could get down a flight of stairs Fili’s phone sounded with Frerin’s ring tone. Fili answered but there was only the sound of a woman giggling softly.

“Hello? Frerin? Hello?” but Frerin didn’t answer, “He must’ve misdialed or something,” Fili had put the call on speaker so Kili could hear it too. “Who is that woman?” Kili could still hear her laughing. “I don’t know but we shouldn’t jump to any conclusions. I have female friends and so do you,” Fili ended the call and pocketed the phone. “My girl friends don’t giggle like that,” Kili couldn’t imagine Tauriel ever giggling like that woman on the phone.

Frerin called Fili a little over an hour later. He sounded tired but he also sounded happier at the same time which made his lovers (especially Kili) all that much more worried. “When will you be coming home?” Kili asked like he did every time Frerin called. “In a week or so,” came Frerin’s practiced response. “How’s the research going?” Fili wanted to know. “Fine, fine. The library here is great,” Frerin replied quickly. Neither Fili nor Kili mentioned Thorin.

The next call Fili received was from Thorin about twenty minutes after Frerin’s. Kili was on the treadmill so Fili took the call alone, “Is everything alright Professor?” Thorin sighed, “As well as can be expected Fili. Thank you.” Fili tried to dig without asking anything too specific, “Is there anything I can do?” Another sigh from the history professor, “Can I be blunt with you, Fili?” Fili hated the way Thorin had said his name all serious-like, “Of course.”

Thorin paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, “I’m very disappointed that you and Kili are not here for Frerin. I thought the two of you were serious about your relationship with my brother.” Fili was gob smacked, “Thorin, we are very serious.” It was time for Fili to come clean, “Frerin told us he was leaving town to do research for a book. Kili and I found out from a professor that you left town for a family emergency.”

“I see,” Thorin was about to speak again but Fili beat him to it. Fili needed the truth, he and Kili deserved it, “Thorin, is Frerin sick?” Thorin was quiet for a moment making Fili fear the worst. Finally the professor responded, his voice breaking with barely contained emotion, “No, Fili. It’s our mother. She passed away suddenly, heart attack.” Fili held back tears of his own, “Oh, Thorin, I’m so sorry. We had no idea. Why didn’t Frerin say?”

Thorin cleared his throat and swallowed his grief for a moment, “Thank you Fili. I don’t know why Frerin wouldn’t have told you but I think you and Kili should come. You‘ve missed the wake and the funeral but I think Frerin could really use your support.” Fili wondered who was there to support Thorin. They’d miss some classes but Frerin was more important, “We’ll leave right away.” Thorin gave Fili the address and they ended the call.

Within minutes Fili had told and consoled Kili who then showered and dressed. They were packed and out the door minutes later. The drive would take hours but they agreed to go straight through. Thorin had agreed not to tell his brother that they were coming. Frerin might be upset with the three of them but that was too bad. He had lied about something very serious and Fili wanted to know why.

It was near midnight when Fili pulled up to the address Thorin had given him. The driveway was lined with oak trees and led to large Tudor home. They got their bags out of the trunk and proceeded up the front stairs. Thorin met them at the door, “Thank you for coming. I’ll show you to Frerin’s room. He should be up.” Kili dropped his bag and threw his arms around the older Durin, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

For the first time, out of all the family, friends and acquaintances who had expressed their condolences over the last few days, Thorin felt that Kili was the first who actually meant it. The professor returned the embrace, “Thank you Kili, thank you very much.” Thorin struggled to maintain his composure but Kili let his tears flow freely. Fili gently took his lover out of Thorin’s arms, “Alright Kili, let’s find Frerin.”

Thorin climbed the stairs with the young lovers close behind. Thorin knocked on the third door to the right of the stairs but there was no answering call. After turning the knob Thorin pushed the door open. Frerin was standing in the middle of the room in the arms of a beautiful, brunet woman. Fili was the first to act, pushing Kili back toward the stairs, “Let’s go Kili. I can see why he didn’t want us to come.”

“Wait,” Kili protested, “What happened? Where’s Frerin?” Fili barred the hall so Kili couldn’t go back to the room, “He’s otherwise engaged at the moment.” Kili stopped at the top of the stairs, “What does that mean?” The blond took Kili by the hand, “He’s with someone.” Kili was still confused, “I don’t understand. Why can’t we see him?” Fili sighed, “He’s with a woman, they were kissing.” The brunet shook his head, “Frerin wouldn’t do that.”

“I saw him…them. They were kissing,” Fili took a deep breath to fight off his tears. Thorin had shut the door without the room’s occupants having seen anything and silently followed the lovers, “I’m sorry, she must’ve gone to Frerin’s room to wait for him after the funeral luncheon.” Both students looked at the older Durin, neither able to ask the question that was on their minds. Thorin motioned for them to continue down the stairs so he could explain.

Fili didn’t bother going to the parlor to talk. What was there to say? He led Kili to the front door, opened it and turned to Thorin, “I don’t want to hear about it.” Kili was too lost in his thoughts to say anything. All Thorin could say was that he was sorry again. Before the door closed Kili finally spoke, “We’ll get a room at the inn for the night but if Frerin wants to talk he should call.”


	2. Frerin's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story from Frerin's point of view

The call from Thorin had been unexpected but when it came Frerin was grateful that he was in his office and not in front of a class. For a moment Frerin couldn’t think. The professor sat in his chair staring at his phone. What was he supposed to do now? What came first? First, go home. No, first, contact the department head and request time off. How much time did something like this take? A few days? A week? Two?

The dean of the science department told him to take as much time as he needed and to come back when he was ready. But when would that be? That was easy. What was next? Go home. Home. He’d have to tell Fili and Kili what had happened. They’d want to be there with him but Frerin couldn’t let that happen. There were a lot of ghosts in his mother’s house that Fili and Kili didn’t need to see.

It wasn’t so much Fili that he was worried about but Kili. The brunet was still in therapy and suffering from bouts of insecurity and mild depression. Just the other night Frerin had had to hold Kili after the young brunet had tried writing another letter to his mother. He couldn’t put Kili through a wake and a funeral plus all the family drama that would also ensue when everyone found out he had not just one lover but two.

Frerin felt that telling Fili and asking him to keep it a secret would be unfair. The blond nursing student would insist on going along for support but they couldn’t leave Kili behind and in the dark. He’d tell them that he was going away to do research on a book, the university was giving him the time and he had to take it immediately. That sounded plausible enough to him. He didn’t count on Kili’s tears and the guilt.

Seeing Kili cry broke Frerin’s heart. Frerin hated himself and wanted to confess but he kept quiet. When Kili didn’t come to the garage to kiss him good-bye he didn’t think he could feel any lower. But it was too late to tell the truth, it was time to leave. He took what comfort he could from Fili when the embraced in the garage and Frerin pretended for a second that Fili knew the real reason for his going.

The drive home felt like it took ages and he wished that Thorin had agreed to drive with him but his brother had wanted his own car. Frerin couldn’t help but think about how he would never get the chance to fix things with his mother now that she was gone. He would never see the same look of pride on her face when she looked at Thorin. He would only ever see the look of anger and disappointment.

For years Frerin had tried to deny who he was. He dated the most popular girl in high school and several different girls at university but he knew it was wrong. Frerin never thought that anybody hated him enough to tell his family when he started dating a boy. He never found out who it was but somehow when he went home that summer his mother had known. Frerin had visibly shrunk at the hatred that spilled from her mouth.

Denying it was the only thing he could do but it felt so wrong. She chose to believe a stranger’s gossip instead of her own son. Thorin had started to defend him but backed down, afraid of becoming a victim of her wrath. But Thorin did offer his brother his support once Frerin had made the decision to leave. Their mother had watched him pack, making sure he didn’t steal anything valuable or anything that wasn’t his.

From then on if she had something to say to him she would say it through Thorin. And she made sure to let Frerin know that he was no longer welcome in her home for holidays or vacations as long as he maintained his ‘filthy and disgusting lifestyle’. He tried to change by getting drunk and screwing any woman he could get to go back to his dorm room. But usually he passed out before anything too sexual could happen.

He’d wake up in the morning alone, thankfully, and severely hung-over. Frerin didn’t realize how much he would miss home until he was no longer welcome there. So, he hooked up with a gorgeous, long-legged, brunette and brought her home for Christmas the next year. She had taken one look at the family home and decided that she was there to stay. She became the epitome of the clingy girlfriend. There was little he could do without her with him.

Of course his mother loved her. Frerin had tried to break up with her several times but her tears always drew him back. She didn’t even seem to care that they never had sex, content with Frerin’s explanation that they should get to know each other better nevermind that they had been going out for six months. As she got clingier and clingier Frerin felt the need to do something drastic. He made sure she saw him kiss another man.

They had been at a party where one of his hook-ups just happened to be. The moment Frerin had caught site of the other man he zeroed in. He ignored his girlfriend to the best of his ability. Frerin dragged him onto the dance floor, dancing so close there was no light to be seen between them. When the beat changed to something slower Frerin cupped the other boy’s face and drew him into a kiss. Frerin finally felt free.

She had tried to pull him away but he wouldn’t budge. Finally giving up, she stomped away and Frerin was sure she was going to call his mother. But he was past caring. He couldn’t live the lie anymore. While he realized he still had a lot of issues to work through he finally believed that he could be happy being true to himself. When Frerin got back to his dorm the next morning all of her things were gone.

He didn’t hear from his mother but Thorin called that afternoon with the news that he was “a shocking disappointment” and no longer part of the family. Of course it broke Frerin’s heart but he had done what he needed to do. He was who and what he was and it was his mother’s loss if she couldn’t accept him. The blond threw himself into his studies, earning a master’s degree in chemistry and becoming a professor.

He never thought he’d meet anyone who made him as happy as Fili and Kili. He felt so lucky to have them in his life. Things weren’t perfect in their relationship but they worked through the rough patches together. He had Thorin’s love and support too. What more did he need? He had to pull over to the side of the road when he broke down. He would’ve loved to have talked to his mother just one more time.

Thorin did most of the talking and made all of the decisions when it came to the attorney and the funeral director for which Frerin was extremely grateful. It’s not that he didn’t want to contribute, he did. But he felt that since the falling out between him and his mother he didn’t have the right. It was no surprise to learn that his mother had left him nothing but Thorin promised to split any revenue with him equally.

The wake was awful, sitting there accepting condolences from family or ex-friends he hadn’t seen in ten years and a few times he thought he heard whispers regarding their surprise at his presence. Frerin wanted to run, get in the car and drive home, until she walked in. She came to him immediately, hugging him with tears in her eyes. “It’s so good to see you,” she sat next to him, holding his hand, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

He smiled his thanks at her but didn’t say anything. He noticed that the years had been good to her. There were no lines around her eyes or mouth and no gray in her hair. Frerin didn’t want to talk to her, afraid that she would think that he was available for a relationship. They sat together in silence until the viewing session was over. He was glad when she said she couldn’t come back for the evening session.

She didn’t appear at the next day’s sessions either or at the funeral mass the day after. She did, however, come to the luncheon after the funeral. At first he had tried to hide from her but, like in the past, she was hard to shake. He tried hiding in the kitchen, the den, the office and the bathroom but she followed close behind. He thought about going to his room but he didn’t want her following him there.

Eventually Frerin made his way into the back yard. He let her find him sitting on a bench, under a tree in the garden. She sat next to him and started talking. She talked about what she’d done since they’d last seen each other, her family, her career, her travels. She had married a man who reminded her of him, blond and blue-eyed, but when she realized that her husband was a poor replacement she asked for a divorce.

“I teach chemistry at the university,” Frerin told her. She smiled, “I knew you’d be a professor. You were always patient when it came to explaining things. I bet the kids love you.” Frerin thought, ‘Two of them do’ but he said, “They tolerate me but I think they fantasize about torching me with the Bunsen burner.” Frerin had no idea that when she innocently (or not so innocently) bumped him when she laughed that his phone would dial Fili.

Eventually she had to go and part of him was sorry. She had changed and he enjoyed talking to somebody who didn’t judge his choice even without the biggest part of the story. He escorted her back into the house and saw that the luncheon was breaking up. After Frerin helped his brother sort out the leftover food and clean up they took a bottle of wine into the garden. After a few glasses Frerin retired to his room.

He saw her the moment he opened the bedroom door. She was sitting on the edge of the bed but stood when he entered to room, “I’ve been waiting for you.” Frerin closed the door behind him, “So I see. Why?” She took a step forward and stopped, “I..,” she bowed her head and held out her hands, “I had a whole speech prepared but now that you’re here I can’t think of anything to say.”

“She really liked you,” Frerin kept his place by the door. “She would’ve liked any girl her golden boy brought home,” she backed up a few steps to sit on the bed again, “there was nothing special about me.” Frerin disagreed, “You’re wrong there. You were the only girl I considered marrying.” She actually chuckled, “You and I both know that wouldn’t have worked.” Frerin slid down the door so he was sitting on the floor, “You didn’t know that back then.”

“Oh, but I did. You’re brother told me that you were probably gay but I thought I could ‘fix’ you,” she slid off the bed so she was sitting on the floor too. “Thorin told you about me?” Frerin didn’t know if he should be grateful or angry. “Yes. That’s why I went everywhere with you. I thought that if you only _saw_ me,” she shrugged, “well, you’d only _see_ me.” Frerin ran his fingers through his hair, “Thorin, though?”

She chuckled again, “He’s always had your back. Didn’t you know?” No, Frerin hadn’t realized but now that she mentioned it Thorin had always been there for him no matter what. It had taken him a while to come around to the whole two-lovers thing but in the end Thorin had given his support. He’d have to thank Thorin in the morning. “So, tell me why you’re here alone instead of with your partner,” her words drew him back.

“You must have a partner, you’re quite the catch, always were.” Frerin sighed, “Two partners actually.” It was her turn to be surprised, “Two? But you’re still here alone? Why?” Frerin didn’t even know anymore, “Because I thought it would be easier for everyone. Because I didn’t want to put up with the looks and the comments. Because they have classes and Kili wouldn’t be able to handle this and I couldn’t bring Fili and leave Kili behind.”

She tsked, “Did you even ask him, Kili, what he thought?” Frerin shook his head, “He’s too fragile right now. Fili’s still getting over his injuries from a very bad car accident and I know he loves Kili more than me but I have to be the strong one, the one they both can lean on for support.” Her instinct was to argue even though she didn’t know Fili or Kili, “How can you think that? That can’t be true.”

Was it true? Maybe he was just looking for an excuse for why he didn’t tell Fili. He wanted to scream but it came out as a whisper, “I just wish I could’ve talked to her one last time. I wish I could’ve made her understand. I’m really happy,” Frerin sobbed, “I want her to know that I’m happy.” She got up, went to the door, crouched in front of Frerin, “I know.” She ran her hands over his arms.

Through his tears Frerin looked up at the brunet in front of him. She looked a lot like Kili, big, brown eyes with golden sparkles, long, brown, wavy hair; her lips formed a perfect, pouty frown, “Why couldn’t she just accept me?” She took hold of Frerin’s hands, “Because she was afraid for you, wanted more for you.” That wasn’t what Frerin expected, “Afraid for me?” She stood and paced between him and the bed, “Times were different back then.”

Frerin remembered; AIDS in the headlines, gays being beaten or killed, scandals about gay scout troop leaders or teachers, “Why didn’t she just tell me?” She turned to face him, “I don’t know. Why didn’t you try to talk to her?” The question caught Frerin off guard; he covered his face with his hands. He should’ve tried but he left it to her. He always figured there would be time to do it later, “I ran out of time.”

She tried to console him as he cried but it was difficult with him on the floor. Putting her arms around him she encouraged him to stand, “Come on, baby, let’s get you up off the floor.” She even smelled like Kili; vanilla with a touch of cinnamon, her hair was soft on his cheek as she stooped over him. Frerin slid up the door but it was awkward with her arms around him and he stumbled forward.

Stumbling backwards she tightened her arms around him for support so she wouldn’t fall over. His arms gasped her firmly around the waist to help her steady herself. Her eyes, her hair, her smell, so much like Kili. His grief, his loneliness, a little too much wine; Frerin bent his head. She accepted his kiss and encouraged him to deepen it by running her tongue along his bottom lip. Both were oblivious to the bedroom door opening behind them.

Frerin hummed into the kiss, pulling her closer to him. His hands roamed up her back. But when his hand cupped her smooth cheeks Frerin pulled back. He didn’t feel the stubble Kili always seemed to have on his chin no matter how often he shaved. Frerin gently pushed her away, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She put her hands behind his head trying to pull him into another kiss, “I’m not. It was better than I remembered.”

Frerin gasped her wrists with his hands, “No.” Stepping forward she put her hands on his chest, “Are you sure? Let me comfort you tonight. Nobody would have to know.” Frerin took a step back so her hands fell away, “It doesn’t work that way.” Suddenly she wasn’t as understanding, “Your mother was right about you.” Frerin walked over to the door and opened it, “I think you’d better go.” She grabbed her purse from the bed, “Someday you’ll regret me.”

“I very much doubt it,” Frerin watched her stomp down the stairs, noting that Thorin was standing by the front door. He held it open for her then let it slam closed once she was outside. Thorin looked up the stairs to Frerin, “You better call Fili right now. He and Kili were here. Fili saw you.” A piece of Frerin’s heart broke as he ran down the stairs, “What? When? Why didn’t you tell me? Where are they now?”

“How could you let him see?” Thorin took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, “How was I to know you had her in your room.” Frerin got angrier, “I didn’t _have_ her in my room. I thought she had left. How did Fili even know where I was?” Thorin sighed again, “He called me, I thought he wanted to give me his condolences so I called him back. I had no idea you lied to them about this.”

“Why did Fili call you?” Frerin was calming down. Thorin explained, “I saw that I had a missed call and I called him back. Why did you lie?” Frerin sank down onto the stairs, “I honestly don’t know anymore. I thought Kili was too fragile and I couldn’t leave him home alone.” Thorin sat next to his brother, “Call Fili. They’re at the inn but Kili said you should call.” Frerin grabbed his keys and headed for the door.


	3. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frerin goes to see Fili and Kili at the inn but Fili feel betrayed - words are said, feelings are hurt and Frerin makes a decision that changes their relationship forever

Fili and Kili went through the motions of driving to the inn and checking in but they felt like robots on automatic pilot. Though Kili didn’t see it he could picture in his mind’s eye his eldest lover in another’s embrace. He needed to go home. He needed to talk to Bilbo. Just looking at Fili, Kili could tell that he didn’t want to talk. Kili curled his body around Fili’s when the blond lay down on the bed.

The blond thought back to when the three of them had first met. In the beginning Fili wasn’t really interested in having a relationship with the professor; he just wanted to be with Kili. But he had come around and now he couldn’t picture his life without either lover. Frerin was so caring, thoughtful and loving. He took care of them, supported and encouraged them. It scared Fili to think that he was less than those things to Frerin.

A pounding on the door stirred Fili from his restless thoughts. Fili felt the bed shift as Kili sat up but he wanted to answer the door, “Stay here.” He knew it was Frerin without even looking through the peep hole, “What do you want?” Frerin thought Fili would be mad but his lover’s voice only sounded tired, “Please, Fili, let me explain.” Fili rested his head on the door, “I saw everything I needed to see in your room.”

“No, Fili. You didn’t. Don’t jump to conclusions like you did with Kili and Tauriel.” That stung and embarrassed Fili, making him angry and defensive, “This is different. I saw you kissing her.” Frerin twisted the door knob, “Do we have to do this through the door?” Kili watched from the bed thinking that the best thing in his life was crumbling in front of his eyes, “Please, Fili. Let him in so we can talk about this.”

Fili hissed at Kili, “He lied to us. He cheated on us.” Frerin pounded once on the door, “I did not cheat on you.” Kili hopped off the bed and went to the door, “Please, Fili.” Fili went to pace next to the side of the bed farthest from the door. Kili unhooked the security chain opening the door to let Frerin in, “I’m so sorry about your momma, Frerin.” Frerin took Kili into his arms, “Thank you, Kili.”

Fili huffed, “Yeah, about that, you lied to us!” Frerin guided Kili to the only chair in the room. The brunet immediately pulled his feet up and hugged himself around his legs. “I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t think Kili was ready for a funeral and I didn’t want you to be torn between coming with me and staying with him.” Fili didn’t buy it, “Bullshit. Where do you get off making decisions for us? You should’ve told us.”

Fili’s comment set Frerin off, “Hold on a minute. You don’t get to talk to me like that. I make decisions for you all the time. What classes to take and when, what to eat, what to wear, whether or not to do laundry, what movie to watch, I make a ton of decisions for you every week. I’m the responsible one. The only thing I asked either of you to do was stay in school and finish your educations.” 

“I’m sorry we’re such a burden to you,” Fili shouted. Tired of arguing, Frerin’s shoulders slumped, “You’re not a burden. I do things for you because I love you. I know I should’ve told you about my mother and I’m sorry I didn’t.” Kili put his hands over his ears, “Please don’t fight. I don’t want you to fight. Fili, Frerin said he was sorry. Frerin, Fili’s upset about that woman he saw you with but you can explain, right?” 

Fili brushed Kili off, “I don’t want to hear that he’s sorry. I saw him with her.” Fili turned his anger back to Frerin, “Do you tell us you have office hours but see her instead?” Kili shook his head, “No, that’s not true!” When Kili started to cry Fili beat Frerin to his side, “Don’t touch him. This is all your fault.” Frerin flinched like he had been punched, “I didn’t do anything wrong. I never cheated on you.”

“She kissed me and I pushed her away but you didn’t stick around to see that part, did you? No, you ran away because that’s what you always do. For fuck’s sake, Fili, my mother just died. She thought she could take advantage of me. Don’t you trust me?” But Fili was still staring daggers at Frerin, “Trust you? I trusted you with everything I had until you lied to us. You’re the one who doesn’t trust us.”

“I was trying to protect you. You don’t know what it was like for me. My mother didn’t accept me like yours accepts you,” Frerin felt that things were heading someplace they might not be able to make it back from. “Oh boo-hoo. So you’re mom wasn’t mother of the year. Go into therapy like Kili has,” Fili cringed when he heard Kili gasp. Frerin thought that was totally uncalled for, “Don’t drag Kili into this.”

“Why? This involved him too. You lied to both of us. You cheated on both of us,” Fili wouldn’t give an inch. Frerin was exasperated, “I did not cheat! It was just a kiss. I’ve been faithful since we met. When are you going to accept the fact that I’m human too? Kili has a breakdown and almost kills himself with alcohol but that’s okay but I can’t accept a kiss from an old friend? You’re a hypocrite, Fili.”

“You don’t need me for anything until you need help with biology or chemistry homework. And here I was encouraging you to become a doctor. I would’ve financed the rest of your education to make that happen but you don’t appreciate what I would’ve had to sacrifice to make that happen. Why don’t you just admit that you never wanted to be with me in the first place? You only ever wanted to be with Kili.” 

Frerin couldn’t believe he had said that out loud but now that it was out there, there was no going back, “I see it all the time in looks and touches you give him. Did you think I didn’t notice?” Frerin covered his face with his hands, breaking into sobs. No, Fili didn’t do that. Yes, he admitted that much to himself just a few minutes ago but he had changed, “Frerin, I…” Fili’s anger wouldn’t let him apologize yet. 

Frerin sniffled and cleared his throat to collect himself, “I have to stay here for a few more days. I’ll expect you two to have your things out of my house by the time I get back. You’ll have to find somebody else to house you, clothe you, take you on vacations and buy you everything you want. I’m done. I shouldn’t have let it come this far.” With one more look at his lovers Frerin turned for the door. 

Kili made it to the door just as it closed, “No! Frerin! Come back! Fili, why did you let this happen?!” The brunet crumpled to the floor. Frerin’s heart shattered into a million pieces when he heard Kili hit the door. He had just destroyed the only thing in his life that made him happy. No, he didn’t destroy it, Fili and his unreasonable jealousy did. Frerin ran for the elevator listening to Kili’s sobs echoing down the hall.


	4. Making Up Is Hard To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Fili make difficult decisions.

The next morning Thorin found his brother passed out at the bottom of the stairs. He reeked of liquor and Thorin guessed that he had fallen as he tried to climb the stairs to his room. The elder Durin had gone to bed thinking that Frerin would work things out with his lovers and probably spend the night at the inn. Thorin had fallen into a deep sleep the moment his head hit the pillow and not heard Frerin return.

A soft nudge with his foot told him that Frerin wasn’t dead, not that Thorin feared that, he could see Frerin’s chest rising and falling as he breathed. All his brother’s limbs seemed to be in good order and not broken if the way they were positioned was anything to go by. But he wasn’t about to try and drag Frerin up the stairs to his room. The younger Durin could lie where he fell until he roused himself.

At least he didn’t throw up on the carpet. Thorin stepped over his brother four more times before Frerin groaned and rolled over. Next to him on the carpet was a large glass of water and two aspirin on a small plate, _bless Thorin_. Her words came back to Frerin, ‘He’s always had your back’. Thorin was the only one he could ever really rely on. With that thought in his head Frerin drifted back to sleep.

An hour later Frerin pushed himself up to sit on the bottom stair. His head was pounding less, his stomach was settled instead of churning and he did not feel like he was going to be sick. Another glass of water had been placed where the first one had been and Frerin drank it slowly as he thought about what had happened the night before. It was hard to believe that sweet and gentle Fili had been so angry.

Then he remembered accusing Fili of loving him less than he loved Kili and poor Kili crying and begging him not to go. He pulled out his cell phone to call Fili and apologize but changed his mind; he had nothing to apologize for. Fili had been out of line. Frerin had lied but he had explained why. He also explained about the kiss. If Fili chose not to believe him there was nothing Frerin felt he could do about it.

The one he felt sorry for was Kili. The brunet had been messed up for a while but he was getting better with therapy and solid support from his lovers. Frerin was afraid that without his emotional support Kili would stop therapy and start drowning his sorrows in alcohol again. Fili worked too many hours on irregular shifts to be much of a pillar for Kili to lean on. Instead of calling Fili, Frerin called Kili leaving a voicemail message.

‘ _You don’t have to leave, Kili. I love you, I always will but it’s up to you who you want to be with.’_ Once he hung up he hoped that he hadn’t done the wrong thing. Kili would be torn between both him and Fili which wouldn’t be good for the brunet’s emotional state. If Kili didn’t stay with him he’d have no way of knowing how the brunet was doing; if he’d stayed in therapy or not.

“Are you going to sit there all day?” Thorin’s deep voice so close startled Frerin. “I was seriously considering it, yes,” Frerin tried to smile but it failed. “Fili was so angry. Kili was crying. I told them to get their stuff out of my house,” Frerin was able to hold back his tears but the emotion showed in his voice. Thorin didn’t waste his time with apologies, “So you’re sitting here wallowing instead of doing something about it?”

“What can I do? Things were said, I don’t think Fili would ever forgive me,” there he went again thinking that he owed Fili an apology when it was Fili who owed him one. “Have you tried calling him?” Thorin sat on the stairs putting an arm around his brother’s shoulder. Frerin shook his head, “I called Kili but he didn’t answer.” Frerin leaned heavily on Thorin’s side, “She didn’t love me, I don’t know why I came here.”

“You came because she was your mother and because I asked you to,” Thorin rubbed Frerin’s arm, “It’s not too late, you can probably catch them before they leave.” Frerin just sighed, “What’s the point? Fili never loved me like he loves Kili. I was just fooling myself in thinking the three of us could work out.” Thorin hated seeing Frerin so discouraged when he had been happier than Thorin had ever seen him before but Durins never gave up.

“Frerin, if Fili didn’t love you he never would’ve come. He would’ve stayed home and not bothered trying to find out the truth about where you were,” now for what Frerin didn’t want to hear. “But you’re not their father. You need to stop doing everything for them and let them make their own decisions.” Of course, Frerin was upset, “I know I’m not their father, I don’t pretend to be. And they always ask me what they should do.”

“And you tell them when you should let them work it out for themselves,” Thorin pushed his brother off him so they could be eye to eye, “I know it’s hard because you love them and want them to be happy but not at the expense of your own happiness. You take a back seat to Kili’s drinking and his past and Fili’s financial dependence. If Fili wants to become a doctor don’t mortgage your house to make it happen.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over,” Frerin stood and slowly made his way up the stairs. Thorin remained where he was until he heard the sound of the water running in the shower. The history professor went to the kitchen to heat up some leftovers for Frerin’s breakfast-lunch but while he was waiting he called Fili. “Hello,” Fili’s anger had dissipated or he wouldn’t have answered the call. Thorin wanted to say he was disappointed with the blond’s behavior.

But all Thorin asked was, “How are you doing?” Fili didn’t anticipate Thorin’s concern he had been expecting anger, “I’m sorta numb.” Thorin wasn’t surprised, the break-up had been sudden, “How’s Kili?” Fili sighed, “I don’t honestly know. He’s locked himself in his room and won’t talk to me. He has every right to blame me for this but I wish he’d talk to me.” Thorin hoped that Kili wasn’t doing anything he shouldn’t be doing in his room alone.

“Frerin’s a mess. He doesn’t really want you to leave. He loves you, both of you, very much,” Thorin didn’t expect much of a reaction so what he got surprised him. “What should I do Thorin? I do love Frerin, I really do but he thinks I don’t. Things are so messed up.” Thorin recognized the shower turning off and knew he didn’t have much time before Frerin came back down, “If you want to be with him, call him.”

When Frerin got to the kitchen Thorin was putting left-over tuna casserole onto two plates. Frerin’s stomach turned, “Tuna? Really Thorin?” The elder Durin smiled, “It was the first thing I pulled out.” The two brothers ate in silence; each waiting for the other to say something that would make everything better for Frerin. Thorin was almost holding his breath while he waited for Fili to call and it surprised him the young blond was taking so long.

It wasn’t a call from Fili that interrupted their lunch but a text from Kili that simply read ‘good-bye’. Frerin called Kili back less than a second later but the call wasn’t answered, “Please, Kili, don’t leave. I love you. I still love both of you so much. Tell Fili I’m so sorry. I’ll come home right away. We’ll work this out. Don’t leave.” A few heartbeats later another text came over, ‘you and Fili need to work things out’.

Frerin wanted to throw the phone across the room. Again he blamed Fili. But concern for Kili over-road that emotion; he needed answers but instead of calling Fili he called Bard. Kili’s friend had gotten an apartment off campus. It’s the only place Frerin could think of where Kili would be able to go and still go to classes. The archer answered, “Kili’s not here.” Frerin didn’t believe it for a moment, “I just want to make sure he’s alright.”

There was a second of mumbling while Bard talked to someone (probably Kili) in the background, “He’s fine.” That was a relief to Frerin, “Okay. Tell him I’ll be home soon.” There was more mumbling, “He doesn’t want to see you.” Frerin had expected that but it still hurt, “I’ll respect that but if he needs me for anything I’m here. Make sure he knows, okay.” Bard didn’t ask Kili that time, he just replied, “Okay,” and disconnected the call.

Even though Frerin had told Kili to tell Fili he was sorry Frerin still felt he was owed an apology and refused to call Fili until Thorin reminded him that he was a grown man and had to stop acting like a child. If he wanted his relationship to continue one of the stubborn blonds would have to make a move or he was going to go home to an empty house.

Upstairs in his room Frerin lay on his bed spinning his phone around and around in his hands. He knew he had to call Fili he just didn’t know what to say. Starting with an apology was not going to happen unless it was the first thing out of Fili’s mouth then Frerin would apologize too. His thumb lingered over Fili’s name on his contact list but before he could press it his phone chimed with Fili’s ringtone.

Frerin accepted the call, “Fili?” Fili took a deep breath, “Frerin, I’m almost all packed. Kili’s already left. He left.” Fili started to sob. “He’s at Bard’s. He wants us to figure things out,” Frerin was a little surprised that Fili didn’t seem know that. There was a long pause but Frerin could still hear Fili quietly sobbing, “I love you Fili.” That only made Fili sob harder. He panted out, “I…love…you…too.” There was another long pause while Fili cried.

Frerin wished Kili hadn’t left so he could hold Fili while he cried. All Frerin had were his words, “It’s alright Fili. Everything is going to be alright. We’ll get this figured out. We’ll be together again soon.” He waited while Fili had calmed down enough before he explained about his relationship with his mother and the woman he kissed. He guessed that when he told her that he had thought about marrying her she had gotten the wrong message.

Fili understood better but he was still troubled, “This was your opportunity to let us be there for you for once and you decided that the way your family and friends perceived you was more important than we were.” Frerin had never looked at it that way. Is that what he had done? Had he stolen something from Fili and Kili? Yes, he guessed he did. He could only say, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Fili.”

They were both silent for a minute, thinking their own thoughts until Frerin took another deep breath, “I don’t want you to leave.” But it wasn’t that simple for Fili, “I think it would be better for me if I did go.” Frerin gasped, “Why? I didn’t mean what I said. I know you love me too.” Fili explained, “Things moved really fast with the three of us then the accident and Kili’s problems and now this.”

“But that doesn’t mean you have to go. We can work this out and stay together. Please stay, Fili. I need you to stay,” Frerin pleaded. “We need to build the trust between us again, maybe set some boundaries and maybe have some alone time with each other one on one to stay connected,” Fili couldn’t think of anything else to suggest to have their three-way relationship work. Frerin agreed, “Then that’s what we’ll do. But please don’t leave.”

“I still think it’s best if I go. We should take things slower this time to make sure we’re not just together for the great sex,” Fili laughed but Frerin could tell it wasn’t real. “Please, Fili. I don’t think my heart could take coming home to an empty house.” But Fili’s mind was made up, “I’m sorry Frerin. I just can’t get over how you lied to us and wouldn’t let us support you. I just need some time.”

“I understand. I hate it but I understand. I guess it wouldn’t help if I said again that I was sorry for everything,” Frerin choked up, “How am I supposed to fix this?” Fili did not want to hear Frerin cry, “When are you coming home?” Frerin sniffled, “I’ll be home Sunday night.” Fili bit his bottom lip before saying, “How about you let me take you out to dinner? We’ll start slow and get to know each other properly.”

The professor finally smiled, “I’d really like that.” But Frerin couldn’t help worrying, “Do you have someplace to stay?” Fili put his mind at ease, “Yes, another hospital intern said I could crash on his couch for a bit.” Frerin didn’t ask how long ‘a bit’ was going to be, he only said, “Okay.” There was nothing left they felt they had to say. They said their good-byes and their I-love-yous before disconnecting the call. Still Frerin was not happy.

But he was going to do everything in his power to bring his lovers home. Things wouldn’t be the same between them but that was okay. They would be better, have a deeper understanding of each other’s needs. It would be them taking care of each other and not just Frerin taking care of Fili and Kili. They would be equals. He would rebuild the trust he had broken and Fili and Kili would come home to stay.


End file.
